In today’s world, we no longer have talking mirrors. Now, we have to talk to ourselves.
This morning at breakfast, I was having a conversation about perception.
One of my colleagues, a director, is often seen by people around him as someone who constantly challenges others and keeps pushing everyone toward the company’s objectives. He sees himself differently. I am an enabler, he told me once. My role is to steer people in the right direction.
A female colleague of his shared a different side of the same picture. She said people around him experience him quite differently. Some see him as someone who is always finding fault, always creating friction. A few, she said, are visibly relieved on the days he does not attend leadership meetings.
When he heard this, his response was simple.
“That is their perspective. I see myself as someone with responsibility and ownership. I’m not here to please people.”
That conversation stayed with me.
It reminded me that there are always two reflections.
One is the reflection others see when they look through the glass. A little hazy.
The other is the reflection we see when we look into the mirror. That one is clear. We see our own marks, and our own beauty.
There is research on this too. A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found something interesting. People who repeated kind, self-compassionate words to themselves while looking in a mirror felt calmer and more positive than people who said the same words without a mirror. The mirror did not create the effect on its own. It made what they chose to say to themselves land deeper.
I think that is true for how we see ourselves as leaders too. The mirror does not change who we are. It amplifies whatever relationship we already have with ourselves.
As leaders, that relationship matters.
If we are clear about our purpose, we don’t become defensive when perceptions differ. We become curious instead.
Perception belongs to others.
Self-awareness belongs to us.
The strongest leaders are not the ones everyone agrees with. They are the ones who stay steady in themselves, no matter which way opinions swing.
So here is a question I would leave you with.
When you stand in front of the mirror, who do you see?
The person others have labelled?
Or the leader who knows why they do what they do?
The old story has the mirror doing the talking. The real work now is learning to talk to ourselves, honestly enough to hear the answer.
With love,
Usha Nagrani, an HR Leader turned ICF Executive Coach, empowers senior management professionals and business leaders to achieve breakthroughs as expats, build cross-cultural teams, and navigate the exciting journey of career acceleration.
