Returning to work after cancer was scarier than cancer itself.
Three weeks after surgery, I felt I had recovered well. I could walk, sit for a few hours, manage most of my work. Yes, there were aches and pains. But after everything my body had been through during chemotherapy, they felt small.
Physically, I was ready.
Mentally, I was not.
There was a voice in my head that kept saying… Usha, life is different now. You have changed. You have no hair. How will your colleagues react? What will you even do on the first day?
For three days, I kept postponing my joining date. I even got an extension on my medical leave. I still couldn’t bring myself to go.
Then something clicked.
I remembered that I used to go to work during chemotherapy. Even if it was just for half a day. I kept showing up until my body made it impossible to sit for even an hour. And here I was… recovered, stronger… letting my mind talk me out of it.
I realised I was being paranoid. My body was giving me the signal to move. I just wasn’t listening.
So I made a decision. I would go in on a Wednesday. Just two days. No pressure. See what happens. I trusted my instincts.
That was the turning point.
Within two days, I was back to my new normal. Working. Focused. Even back on Excel sheets. But I listened to my body this time. I rested when needed. I didn’t push. I didn’t compare myself to who I used to be.
I just lived day by day.
And what made the biggest difference was the people. Every colleague welcomed me with a smile. They told me they were glad I was back. They called me brave. They called me an inspiration. And slowly, without even realising it, I started believing them.
That is when I started building my new identity.
I work with leaders going through their own version of this.
Not cancer necessarily. But that same feeling… of being changed by something, and not quite knowing how to walk back into a room as the new version of yourself.
Here is what I hear from clients.
It is not strategy that carries you through. It is not a plan or a checklist.
It is asking yourself honestly… who am I being in this moment? Can I trust the people around me? Can I take one baby step, even if one step feels tiny?
My Wednesday decision was not brave. It was just honest. I knew I couldn’t do Monday. So I chose Wednesday. That is all.
We all face moments that change us. The question is never whether we will change… the question is what you choose to become in that moment.
What are you choosing today?
If you read this and thought “this is me”… reach out. Just a conversation. Nothing more.
You can contact me here https://ushanagrani.com/contact-me/
With love, Usha Executive Leadership Coach
Usha Nagrani, an HR Leader turned ICF Executive Coach, empowers senior management professionals and business leaders to achieve breakthroughs as expats, build cross-cultural teams, and navigate the exciting journey of career acceleration.